Rejection
I entered the county jail; the guard escorted me to the
women's' housing unit. Around 15 women gathered in the “TV” room for
"church call." They varied in age from early 20s to their late 50s.
The air conditioner unit was malfunctioning. The room was hot and stuffy. Two
women Correction Officers stood at the door supervising. The room was small,
but they crowded in around a conference table, some standing off to the side
when there were no more chairs. I decided to share with them the story of Leah
from the Bible.
Leah suffered rejection from her husband (Genesis 29). Leah
was Laban's older daughter. She was "weak" in the eyes and had no
prospective men desiring to marry her. Jacob was in love with Laban’s
younger daughter Rachel. Jacob worked for Laban for seven years to have
Rachel’s hand in marriage. When his time of service was completed, Jacob
stated, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled” (Gen. 29:21). Laban
planned the wedding, and Jacob was married; but Laban had tricked Jacob and given
his oldest daughter Leah instead. I cannot understand how Jacob would not have
realized that he had married Leah; he even consummated the marriage without
realizing. Jacob must have consumed an ample supply of wine. When Jacob
realized what happened, he questioned his father-in-law, Laban, “What is this
you have done to me? Why have you deceived me?” (Gen. 29:25). Laban’s response
was simply, “It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before
the firstborn” (Gen. 29:26). Jacob arranged with Laban again to marry Rachel
and worked an additional seven years. As a young girl, I was captivated by the
love story of Jacob and Rachel. Jacob adored her. What kind of man would work
(serve) 14 years just to be able to marry the love of his life? Somehow, I had
read (heard) that story numerous times, and never saw Leah in the story line
except that she had been given to Jacob through trickery. I wonder if Leah had
anything to say in the situation. I can imagine the rejection, hurt, and horror
when she realized that Jacob did not want her. If she had wanted to marry
Jacob, it did not turn out as she had planned; Jacob did not love her. If she
had not wanted to marry Jacob, she had been forced to enter a relationship with
a man that did not want her. Rachel “envied her sister” (Gen. 30:1). She was
stuck in a loveless marriage with a sister who hated and resented her.
The ladies gathered around the table had much to say about
Jacob not realizing he had married the wrong sister and even had
"sex" with her that night. They talked about how much Jacob must have
drank or how they had lapses in memory at times due to alcohol or drugs.
Leah conceived and gave birth to a son, Reuben. She stated,
“The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will
love me” (Gen. 29: 32). Then she conceived again, and had another son, Simeon;
this time she stated, “Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has
therefore given me this son also” (Gen. 29: 33). She conceived again, gave
birth to another son, and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached
to me, because I have borne him three sons” (Gen. 29: 34) and she named him
Levi. Even after the fourth son, Judah, Leah did not win over the heart of
Jacob.
The women in the jail commented to one another. “How stupid
was Leah to believe that Jacob would love her”, “Why did she have another kid
with him?”, “Men are supposed to respect ‘baby mamas’” The discussion was
lively. Several ladies commented on how “messed up that was” and used some
explicit adjectives. I had to smile about how passionate they were about what
happened to Leah and coming to her defense.
I too erroneously once
believed that my husband would love me, quit drinking, only want me …. if only
we moved, if only we had kids, if only he got a different job, if only he had
different friends, if only……
I shared with the women how our identity must come from
Christ. We cannot make someone love us. Leah came to realize that fact with the
birth of her fourth son, naming him Judah meaning “praise” and her adoration
turned towards God.
Who have you clung to for your identity?
Read Genesis chapters 29-31 to read the whole story about Leah
