Broken

 

Broken

 

Just as I am

I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come Broken, Just as I am! (Cottrell)

               When I arrived at the jail this last week, the women’s unit was on lockdown (meaning they were locked up in their cell with no movement). The lady officer proceeded to tell me, “I don’t know why they brought you back here. They can’t come out and see you today”. I visit weekly and the women inmates that wish to attend church service come gather in the TV room with me around a large conference table; there I share the word of God with them. “Can I go to them?” I asked. Inside my stomach was flip flopping; I had never been back to the unit’s individual cells. She granted me permission. As the officer did her rounds, I was allowed to sit one cell at a time with the women and pray for them individually. Only two women stated they did not want prayer. All the others, the entire unit, ALL wanted to see me. At times, I was allowed inside the individual cell and would kneel or sit next to them. Some cells had two women while others had three to four women inside. Some cells had padlocks (women that had been fighting). One cell at a time, I listened to their requests. Only two had prayers for their case or charges. The requests were for dying parents, sick family members, their own mothers that were heart-broken, their kids without them, their kids on drugs, their own drug use, to get sober, their failing marriage, their baby’s daddy,  …… one request after another…… from one heart-broken woman to the next. Their ages varied from early 20s to 80s. There was something so serene in that moment, something so different I had never experienced.

               “Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours”. These women were vulnerable, honest, and broken. One woman I had visited for a month now. She had told me recently that “prison was better than being on the outside, less responsibility”. As I prayed for her, my heart was broken. I opened my eyes to see tears rolling down her face. In trouble for fighting the last two weeks and on lock down again, this tough woman was crying as I prayed for her.

               When I exited that day, I sat in silence. There were no words.

              Psalm 56:8 states, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

               God cares. Our tears are not wasted. God knows you intimately. Every tear you cry has meaning to him. “Cast your cares on Him, for he cares for you” (I Pet. 5:7).

               I realize how unusual it was that I was allowed in jail that day. I recognize what a divine appointment it was that I encountered that man contemplating returning to gang life or suicide. I cannot solve their problems…. But I can give them Jesus.

               Lord, help me see those around me. Use me, Lord. Help me to see the broken.

              

But God...... and everything changes

Christ and Prisoner's Wife video Trailer

https://youtu.be/rRBj9hvga44

Boaz

Boaz

 

Our society promotes the image of a “prince” riding a white horse and rescuing “damsels” in distress. After all, Prince Charming rescued Snow White, Rapunzel, Cinderella, and the list of princesses goes on and on. I wanted a man to come rescue me and the boys. There is a story in the Bible about a woman named Ruth. I always loved that story, even as a little girl. Ruth’s husband dies. In Biblical times, if a woman lost her husband to death, then the brother of the husband is to marry the woman. However, Ruth’s husband’s brother was also dead. Her father-in-law had also died.

Ruth leaves with her mother-in-law (Naomi) to the land of Judah. There she meets an attractive landowner, Boaz. He was a relative of Naomi’s dead husband. Ruth gathered grain in Boaz’ fields after the reapers (workers). Boaz noticed Ruth and gave her favor. He told his workers to leave grain for her, not to touch her, and give her water as she needed. Ruth pursued Boaz by waiting until he was asleep, removing the blanket off his feet, and lying down at his feet. Boaz woke up and found Ruth there. He inquired what she was doing there, and her response was “I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer” (Ruth 3: 9). Boaz and Ruth marry. Their union becomes part of the direct family line, geology of Jesus. I prayed for a man to come be my “redeemer”, my Boaz. Thus, that mindset would cause me so much harm; through tears and heartbreak, I would continue to learn only God could be my redeemer. While God did unite Ruth and Boaz and it is a beautiful love story, God wanted me to rely on him.

As women, we often fall into unhealthy relationships in moments of frailty. As one author put it,

“While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives; Broke-az, Poor-az, Lying-az, Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Downlow-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Good-for-nothing-az, Lazy-az, Crazy-az or Married-az and especially his THIRD cousin Beating-yo-az. PLEASE...wait on your BOAZ and make sure he RESPECTS yo AZ.”

So many of us (me included) in moments of rejection, weakness, and hurt run to a man. The Bible is clear, God wants us to run to him. Psalm 147:3, “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 121 states, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

 

Take time today to search your heart. Who or what have you ran to? Lord, forgive me for all the times I run to something else to comfort me instead of you. 

 

Learn more about the Ruth in the book of Ruth in the Old Testament.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

              

What are you worth?

 

What are you worth?

I read the book of Hosea. Gomer was a prostitute (a harlot). She was desired, lusted after, and wanted by men. They would give her fine clothes, and jewelry of silver and gold. She had all the material possessions she wanted. She was not the type of girl a man would marry; she had accepted that fate. I am sure she must have been puzzled when Hosea pursued her, not in a way she had become accustomed to, but with unconditional love. He would marry her. Even after marriage and children, she would run back to her life of prostitution. She would be hungry, used, and on the streets. Hosea would go back after her, pay for her (buy her), and bring her home again.

Not many pastors share the story of Hosea and Gomer from the pulpit, for obviously reasons. A church full of innocent children and the story of prostitution probably would not be a popular choice. However, I heard the story three times in that one year. I cannot recall ever hearing anyone preach on the book of Hosea prior to that year, and I have not heard it since. Truly the greatest love story ever told, a story of a man that pursues a woman with Godly intentions, unconditional love, and forgiveness in his heart. Furthermore, the book of Hosea is a story of how God continues to forgive and pursue his people.

I’ve never liked the name Gomer for this woman; I grew up in the days of Andy Griffith and the name Gomer reminds me of Gomer Pyle (a character in the TV show). Hosea sounds like Hannah or something similar, a girl’s name.

Just as Gomer ran back to her old life, and Hosea went after her. I felt like God was telling me to go after “Gomer” (Dean). He was so unworthy of forgiveness from me; after all, consider all he had done. I did not think I could ever forget the past, much less forgive those events. I was right, I could not. Only through God would I be able to forgive. I would surrender those memories; they were God’s, and I could no longer hold on to the hurt.

In my pride, I could list everything Dean had done wrong. Only through spiritual maturity would I come to realize that I too am Gomer. God had forgiven me again and again, He pursued me, He forgave me, and He continues to chase after me. I am unworthy of God’s forgiveness, but He gave it anyway. I too run back to things; God pursues me. I thought I would be doing Dean a great favor to forgive him. Time would show me that the one who would receive the greatest blessings would be me.

I shared this story with the women at the jail. The eight women around the table listened silently. A few commented that going back to their life was “easier”. The drugs, homelessness, and no responsibility was easier than trying to stay clean and failing people’s expectations. All the women have “kids” on the outside. I challenged their comments. “Jail is easy? Drugs and staying high is easy? Homelessness is easy? Being away from your kids is easy?” I continued, “You can’t fool me…. It is HARD! Choose your hard! Sobering up is hard! Being high all the time is hard. Is this what you want for your kids?” I explained how they too were Gomer. They didn’t know their worth. They couldn’t accept the unconditional love of Jesus. Many of them looked down and their eyes filled with tears. They too did not believe they were worth anything better. I said the believer’s prayer with them, asking Jesus into their lives and to save them.

Are you a Gomer? Do you keep settling for less than what God has for you? Do you keep returning to your previous life? A dog returns to its vomit (Proverbs 26:11 and 2 Peter 2:22). 

Will you take time this week to pray for these women to find their worth and identity in Christ?

 

 

Read Hosea Chapters 1-3 to read more about this story. Read Proverbs 26 and 2 Peter 2.

Memories that Trigger

 

Memories that Trigger

 

               I listened to her share. Tears rolled down her face. She was a babysitter in her teens. She was watching a baby while the parents went out to dinner. The baby died that night. She had performed CPR but was unable to save the infant. Later, it was determined the baby died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). She felt responsible for the baby’s death, and never recovered.  During that weekend, she broke down and “gave that memory to God.”

               I heard that story 15 years ago, but something resonated in me. I decided that I would take those memories that “triggered” me and consciously give those God. I made it a habit, that when memories of my past “haunted” me, I would “take them captive” and pray. I surrendered those events and the memories.

2 Corinthians 10: 4-5 states, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” I came to understand that it was my responsibility to captivate those memories and surrender them to God. The memories of traumatic events began to “blur”, the details not so clear, and the emotional triggers associated with them decreased. Several events I totally forgot. When someone mentioned an event, I found myself honestly stating, “Oh, I forgot about that.”

               Recently I was at a family function. A relative started talking about things that happened in the past. Honestly, I couldn’t recall those memories. I had pushed them far into the past and surrendered them to Christ. While I certainly believed she was telling the truth and she was still very traumatized by them, I did not have those emotions or memories any longer.

               I was speaking at a women’s group last week. One of the ladies asked me how I “forgave” and “moved on from triggers.” I was reminded of another conversation several years ago when a relative was bringing up Dean’s past. I simply stopped the conversation and stated, “I don’t live in that place anymore.”  I CHOOSE not to hold onto those traumatic events, offenses, or unforgiveness. I CHOOSE to surrender them to Christ. Isaiah 61:1 states, “He (Christ) heals the brokenhearted, and sets the captives free” (Isaiah 61:1).

               What memory of your past has you in bondage? What do you need to surrender to Christ today?

 

Read 2 Corinthians 10 and Isaiah 61

 

God is in Control!

 

God is in Control!  Hear a message to encourage you as "Dean" shares some of his experiences while preaching the word at church. 

https://www.youtube.com/live/bg4x_tCUneM?si=8GAMTyuFJSaP85rO

The Woman at the well

 

In the Bible, there is a story of the Woman at the Well (John 4). Her past was full of bad choices, multiple failed marriages (five to be exact), and was currently living with a man who was not her husband. She felt unloved, unworthy, damaged, and unclean. I can image that she felt rejected, condemned, and beyond hope. On that day, the Samaritan Woman took the journey to Jacob’s Well in the heat of the day, around noon to draw water. Women from the village would usually travel to the well in the cool of the morning; furthermore, they walked together, not only for safety but also for community visiting along the way. The Samaritan Woman was not accepted by the women of the community; thus, she was an outcast. She would travel to the well alone when no one else was around.

I recall when the boys and I attended a small Baptist Church in a rural town. I was the Children’s Sunday School teacher and the church pianist. One Sunday, the boys and I walked into church, and no one would make eye contact. Coy whispered to me that when he went to shake hands, they turned away. When the sermon was starting, I gathered the boys with my head hung down and headed to the door to leave. The Pastor announced from the pulpit that “Satan has her family.” We had fellowshipped there for several years. No one called to check on us, in fact no one from that congregation even made eye contact or spoke to me again. At times I would encounter church members at the local grocery store, they would turn their head. I was at a loss to explain to the boys what had happened. Too often churches attack the wounded; I was no longer welcomed in that place.

The Samaritan Woman knew of God, was waiting for the Messiah, and knew what it meant to worship. In fact, she stated, “Our fathers worshiped on this mountain” (John 4:20), and “I know that Messiah is coming (who is called Christ). When He comes, He will tell us all things” (John 4:25). I wonder if her only hope was waiting for the Messiah to rescue her from her circumstances.

This Samaritan Woman met Jesus at the well when she went to draw water. Jesus knew her past, “For you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband” (John 4: 18). Many people in town knew her past and her currently living situation. Obviously, those facts were not a secret or the women in town would not have shunned her. However, this man (a Jew) was not from her town. I am sure she was puzzled wondering how he could know those things about her. At that point, she responded, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.” I can feel her shame; I am sure she thought, “Great, even strangers know who I am and my past”. I would have wanted to run and hide. Perhaps there was something different in His eyes, or the peace in His voice. In this story, her name is not recorded, only the Samaritan Woman. I find that her name not recorded is out of compassion; who would want their name recorded with those facts? I do not think John (the writer) even knew her name, only that Jesus (a Jew) was speaking with a Samaritan Woman, which was against all cultural customs. She realized that she had met the Messiah when He responded, “I who speak to you am He” (John 4:26). Jesus offered her living water, forgiveness, and hope.

Olivia Lane sings a song, Woman at the Well (Lane Train Music, 2021) which tells the story of “A broken hearted woman who met the Savior of the World”. In that song, the lyrics state, “I think that woman might be me.” The words resonated with me, I certainly was once the damaged broken heartened woman, rejected, unloved, and unclean. 

I sat at the jail visiting with eleven women. None of them had heard the story of the Samaritan Woman before. I read the story and explained how that woman met Jesus. One of the ladies said, "I can relate to that woman." I explained how they too could meet the Savior the World; how they could bring their broken past to him. The Samaritan woman used her past as a testimony of what God can do and she ran to her village and stated, "He told me all I had done" and "offered me living water!" Many were saved because of her testimony and a church was established there within three years. 

Do many want to hear about Christ because of your testimony? Do you share your past so that others can see the power of Jesus?  Have you met the Savior of the World?

Our Gaze

 

Our Gaze

               The school was having their annual talent show. Little Atticus was in 2^nd grade. He was rapping a song. During try outs, Atticus was enthusiastic and confident. We decided to put him to start the show. His act would be perfect to get the crowd excited and start the show. Atticus took the stage. After just a few lines, he froze. He looked down and stood there in the spotlight. I ran quickly to his dad in the audience, “Run to the middle and stand there so Atticus can see you!”. Dad took off running quickly. I went to the stage and said, “Atticus, look up, there is dad.” Atticus smiled, started moving with the music, and loudly rapped the words. The crowd cheered.

               I’m reminded of a story in the bible. Peter was out in the boat with the other disciples. The boat was in the middle in the sea, the wind had come up, and the waves were tossing the boat. Jesus went out to them, walking on the sea. The disciples became fearful, thinking Jesus was a “ghost”. Jesus responded, “It is I, do not be afraid” (Matt. 14: 27). Peter responded, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water” (Matt. 14:28). Jesus told Peter to come. Peter got out of boat and began walking to Jesus. However, the wind was boisterous, and Peter was afraid; he began to sink. Jesus caught him. When Peter looked down at the waves, he sank. When he looked at Jesus and cried out to Him, Jesus caught him.

               How many times in our own lives are we paralyzed by fear or by our circumstances? Just as Atticus looked at his father, we must cast our eyes up on our heavenly Father. When our gaze is on Jesus, we find we are no longer sinking in the waves but rescued.

 

Read Matthew 14 and Mark 6 to read the story of Jesus and Peter walking on water.